I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
