I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I supernannyed him into submission
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
