If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
