Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
