Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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