did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
