PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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