I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Me. At least after what I've been through.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
