is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
