how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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