There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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