how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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