he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize