and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
