I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
