he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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