so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
