We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
