We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
