I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
