i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
