How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
