Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
