Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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