Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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