I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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