He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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