woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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