oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
