she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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