This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
