I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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