She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
