I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
