I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
