I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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