Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
