anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
