I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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