Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize