i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
