I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
