I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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