I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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