Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
