it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need water and some morals
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
