I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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