No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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