When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
