Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
