we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
