my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is my gift to your gina
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
