I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
