nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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