it glows. i had to have it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
